While pregnant I always pictured what it would be like when we first met Ellie. I, like pretty much everyone else, pictured it just like the movies. I thought the first time we saw her I would start crying and fall instantly in love. Fast forward to seeing Ellie for the first time and I was in total shock, I did not cry at all and I actually barfed.

I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, let me back track. One piece of advice I did get was by my lovely old manager (Hi Yessenia!) who told me it is okay to not have that instant love connection to your baby and that it will take time. While she was telling me this I had no clue this would be the best advice I was to receive my whole pregnancy.

Here I am looking at my daughter for the first time, on one hand I do love her and would do anything for her, but on the other hand I have no clue who she is other than the fact that she has just grown inside me for the last 40 weeks and has all her fingers and toes. After a month a half we finally had our moment. Peter was getting ready and I was holding her, walking around the house trying to clean up. I noticed that she wouldn't stop looking at me and smiling. Unlike before she was really looking at me, not past me and that moment changed everything for me.

So if you're a new mom feeling terrible about yourself because you keep having to lie to people when they ask you "Aren't you in love with your new baby!" know that I get it and it's a real, justified feeling. Remember that you will have that instant love connection moment with your own babe, but for now give yourself some credit (and maybe a glass of wine) because this is a hard job.